Unbroken
by AndAllThatMishigas
Summary: Alternate s5 plotline. Jen finally realizes what she needs to say to Nick.


**Unbroken**

"Juliette Gardiner, this is DSC Jennifer Mapplethorpe," Nick introduced.

Jen shook the young woman's hand and tried to smile politely, but she was sure if she opened her mouth, she'd vomit.

This had been _her_ decision. This was what she wanted. She wanted to protect her career and do the smart thing and not let herself get derailed because she fell in love. She couldn't do that to herself.

But seeing him move on so quickly, seeing Nick with this beautiful young brunette, seeing him smile and be happy with another woman...Jen felt like she'd ingested poison, and this guilt and jealousy was going to kill her.

Nick led Juliette toward the elevator and Jen could feel time and space around her go into slow motion and then fast forward to catch up. "Detective Buchanan, can I have a word before you go, please?" she called out to him.

With a curious frown, Nick asked Juliette to wait for him and he followed Jen around the corner. "Did you need something?" he asked. His tone was slightly more aggressive than he intended.

"What are you doing with her?" Jen asked, sounding just as accusatory as she felt.

"Taking her out for a drink. She's smart and sweet, and she came onto me. It's a nice change to have a woman interested in being with me."

"Nick, that's not fair," Jen protested.

"I think it's plenty fair. Just because you didn't want me, doesn't mean someone else might. I am single, I'm allowed to see whoever I want."

Jen swallowed the bile rising in her throat. "Even so, she's a journo, and you should be careful. And she's rather young for you. It's a bit pathetic."

Nick stared at her in disbelief. "No. You don't get to keep breaking my heart, Jennifer." He turned and walked hastily back to Juliette, breathing heavily with rage and hurt.

It took Jen a moment to realize what she had just done. She had allowed her petty jealousy to overtake her, and she'd made a complete and utter fool of herself. And even more than that, she had realized that she had made a horrible mistake.

Jen went back to her desk and buried herself in work until the minute her shift was over. She barely spoke to anyone all evening, and she hurried out of the station without a word. As if on autopilot, Jen found herself driving to Nick's house. She knew she needed to apologize to him, and she knew she couldn't say what she needed at work. It was this or nothing, and she knew she couldn't bear nothing.

After taking an embarrassing amount of time calming her racing heart rate and trying to fix her hair and put on a bit of lipstick, Jen got out of her car. She saw a light on in the bedroom window upstairs, and she tried her best not to feel ill.

Nick opened the door about thirty seconds after Jen rang the bell. His eyes widened in surprise. "Jen."

"I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier," she said, not bothering to greet him. "It's completely unfair for me to be jealous of seeing you with another woman. I was the one who ended things because of the job and I was too scared to take the risk, and that's the mistake I have to live with. But I've realized that I can't bear to be on bad terms with you. If nothing else, we still work together and I need us to be friends. So I'll work on that and I won't try to drag you down with my own insane jealousy and regret. You deserve to be with someone smart and kind and beautiful. And I hope Juliette makes you happy. She's certainly very lucky to have you. I would apologize to her but I think it would be far too awkward to make her put clothes on and come down and talk to me. So I'll see you at work, and I'm sorry again about all this."

She turned to go, having finished her rant. Nick called after her, "She's not here."

Jen didn't dare feel any sort of hope. But she turned back. "She's not?"

"No. I took her home and told her we'd get a drink another time. Talking to you put me in an awful mood and I didn't want to take it out on her."

Jen swallowed hard. "As usual, you're a better person than I am."

Nick shook his head with a small chuckle. "Only you can put me in a mood like that, Jen."

"I am sorry," she replied sincerely.

"I'm not. It's not fair to Juliette or any other woman for me to go out with her when all I want is to have you back."

Jen couldn't help herself. She rushed across the porch and leapt into Nick's arms, pushing them both into his house. Her mouth devoured his, all her passion and regret and longing and love going into her kiss. Nick moaned into her mouth and held her tight, praying he'd never have to let her go.

He paused, knowing he needed to stay in control. He couldn't allow himself to believe her words. He rested his forehead against hers as he held her tight in his arms. Nick tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down. But he looked into her eyes, those piercing grey-turquoise eyes, and he knew that he didn't want to be in control anymore. She wanted him, and he needed her.

But he remembered that she broke up with him, told him they couldn't be together, that her job was more important than what they'd shared. He pulled away and put her back down on her feet. "Jen, we can't..." he breathed.

"Yes we can. Please," she begged. "I was so stupid to think I could let you go. Nick, I love you." Her voice cracked as she looked up into his eyes.

Nick immediately picked her up again, kissing her hungrily. He had missed the taste of her tongue, and he never wanted to give her up. Even if this was just for the moment and she left him again, he couldn't resist her when she wanted him like this. Nick continued the kiss unbroken as he carried her up to his bedroom.


End file.
